Travelling abroad can be a very freeing experience. You are off in a new country, meeting new people, sharing a room with strangers of both genders and most likely enjoying an alcoholic drink to help bring down the awkwardness of it all.
All of that can lead to meeting someone special and thinking about how you can have sex in the hostel with them and not get caught or annoy everyone else in the dorm room with you.
The short answer is that you can’t.
Having sex in a dorm room or the hostel, in general, is not going to be a discrete experience. It is, in fact, highly discouraged by everyone other than the people doing it. Nobody wants to hear or have to see you bump and grind while they try and sleep or enjoy their time abroad.
Is Having Sex In A Hostel Bad?
I’ve had hostel sex before and had to listen to others in the dorm room have sex. So I’m the last person to judge you. But that’s not to say I was right either.
On the one hand, the person having sex honestly does not care much about anybody else in the room. At that moment, the last thing you are thinking of is how they feel and more about trying not to fall out of the single bed the two of you are in. Not to mention a bit of alcohol may have been consumed in the lead-up, so even if you care, the booze has removed that from your mind.
On the other side of the coin, if you wake up to the noise of a couple going at it, well, it’s hard to get back to sleep or ignore the whole experience. You can put in earplugs or headphones to drown it out, but your night’s sleep has been ruined.
At the end of the day, you do need to think of the greater good, and so as I’ve said in my hostel rules post, just don’t have sex in a hostel dorm if you want to be a good bunkmate.
As much fun as it is to get it on with someone in the hostel. The lasting impression you leave on those in the dorm room with you and for the rest of your stay isn’t worth the dirty looks and teasing that will follow.
Can I Do It Anyway?
If, despite all the warnings above about just how annoying you’ll be to your fellow guests of the hostel, you still want to get naked and do the naughty, then heed this advice.
Don’t do it in the dorm room.
Unless you find yourself in the dorm room with nobody other than yourself and your loved one for the night, don’t have sex in a dorm room. Nobody wants to hear you going at it. Nobody wants to be in the bunk bed above or below you as you do it, and nobody wants to hear all your sex noises while sleeping in the other dorm room beds. Just don’t.
The ONLY exception might be if you’ve stayed in the hostel for the day. Most people are out all day so you might get away with it after breakfast or mid-morning. Providing the cleaner isn’t coming through.
Don’t do it in the common rooms either.
The common areas of a hostel (this includes the kitchen, not just the lounge area) are some of the most visited rooms during the day. They are also the first place people will venture into after returning late at night from the pub or being out and about.
You might think a quickie at 3 am will mean nobody is around, but I can guarantee someone will turn up.
Not only that but people sit, talk, eat, cook and relax all day there. If you’ve been rolling around the couch naked or on the table, nobody should have to sit down on that the day after.
Do book a private room.
If you can’t fight the urge any longer, book yourself in a private room for a night or two. Sure it’s going to cost you a bit more, but isn’t privacy and a bit of together time worth the expense?
This way, nobody has to see you or hopefully hear you having sex, and you are free to do it for as long, as much and whenever you like.
Try the bathroom.
If your budget won’t stretch to a private room or it’s a hit-it-now kind of mood, think outside the box.
Bathrooms in hostels have locks on their toilets and showers. Sure they won’t be the most comfortable or potentially cleanest places to have your fun, but at least it’s private and if you time it right should be fairly quiet depending on how long you need.
Don’t forget the laundry.
Not all hostels have a laundry, but if you want a quiet place, it’s sure to be empty more often than not.
There’s nothing other travellers or backpackers hate more than having to do their laundry. So if you time it right, preferably in the evening, you should have the room to yourselves.
You can even put your laundry on first to help mask any noise you might make, turning it into a two-for-one deal.
Do check for cameras.
You might not notice them, but hostels have security cameras in the main common areas and any outside areas as well. They are there as security for both the guests and the hostel itself.
You don’t want to be the staff’s next laugh as they check the security footage from the night or day before do you? Because trust me, you will be.
Don’t bring a stranger back to your hostel.
This might be obvious, but let’s put it out here to be sure. You cannot bring anybody back to your hostel dorm room that isn’t staying in the hostel. If you meet a delightful local guy or girl out one night, go back to their place (but be careful you don’t know this person very well).
Hostels will not let you bring someone into the hostel other than the reception unless they have booked to stay in the hostel as well.
What If You Get Caught
Despite all the warnings not to have sex in hostels, you go ahead with it anyway. What happens if you get caught?
Providing you picked what we’ll call a safe option from above, a bit of embarrassment, perhaps someone yells at you (or goes and gets a crowd to watch), a lot of dirty looks and gossip for the rest of your stay.
If the hostel you picked frowns upon guests having sex in the hostel or takes a poor look at it, you may get kicked out, but I’ve never heard of that happening.
If you opt for the less appreciated option of having sex in the dorm room… you usually face a tougher crowd. Some might say nothing others will call you on it mid-action. You also have to face those people when you get up in the morning the next day.
I’ve heard of people tipping water on you, turning on the lights, pulling the blankets off you. Anything goes as you shouldn’t be doing it.
I get it. You are abroad, travel is fun, and you’ve met someone you just can’t wait to get into bed with.
But please take a moment to appreciate that if you want to have sex in a hostel, it has an impact on many others around you if you do. So for the love of everyone else in the hostel with you, just get a private room for the night. You won’t make friends in the hostel if you get into their bad books.
Oh, and practice safe sex. Hostels often have condom vending machines in the toilets if you’ve travelled unprepared.
Staying in a hostel is a lot of fun, don’t ruin everyone else’s stay because you couldn’t appreciate their right to a good night’s sleep.